


i might be far away

by merines



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, liam and zayn are mentioned and so is ziam, niall makes a tiny appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-05 02:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4161699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merines/pseuds/merines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is sort of like a solar system. He's the big, burning sun and everyone else are the satellites and planets that circle around him. Louis is probably Mercury in that comparison—the planet that's the closest to him, yet he can never break his orbit or else he'll get burned.</p><p>(Louis and Harry haven't been in the same country for five years and they finally reunite.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i might be far away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crowonawire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowonawire/gifts).



> the prompt was "louis and Harry flying in to see each other for the first time in ages" so here we are! admittedly, i had to rewrite this fic like three times from the beginning because of a series of unfortunate events, so i hope you enjoy this final product.
> 
> thank you to my beta! and thank _you_ for reading this!
> 
> title comes from kiss the rain by femm.

Louis is freaking out.

On the outside he seems as collected as everyone else in the bustling airport. He's tapping away at his phone while occasionally glancing up towards the doors that lead from the planes to the baggage claim. Internally, though, Louis has been screaming nonstop for the last twenty minutes. He hasn't been this anxious since the time his baby sister had to be rushed to the hospital after hitting her head when she fell out of a tree. She had been fine then, just a slight concussion, and he can only hope that things will be fine now. This is nowhere near a dramatic as a kid getting a head injury though. He's just a guy picking up his ex-boyfriend from the airport after not seeing him for five years.

He grimaces at that thought. Ex-boyfriend. They had only been dating for a couple of months when Harry's family was transferred to fucking California of all places. The two of them both agreed that attempting a long distance relationship would probably not work out very well so they mutually broke it off. They still kept in contact with each other, but slowly through the years they went from texting each other every day to once every couple of months. Louis had been convinced that they were going to become those kinds of friends who only ever acknowledge each other on birthdays until Harry suddenly announced that he was returning to London one day. Louis quickly offered his flat until Harry could find one of his own, not fully realizing what he had done until he was driving to Heathrow this morning.

Louis knows that Harry has changed in the five years, but that's not what he's worried about. Of course people's interests will change in time, so the fact that Harry has gone from wearing baggy pants and plaid to jeans that are so tight they might as well be leggings and oddly printed shirts isn't one that surprises Louis. They have picked up on texting again after Harry said he was coming back, so Louis  _knows_ that they still get along fairly well personality-wise, at least on surface level. Even though they have both gone through different experiences and have been influenced by different peers, they are still more or less the same people as they were five years ago.

What has Louis almost panicking, clutching his phone so tightly that it'll take a crowbar to pry his fingers off the device, is that he still likes Harry. No matter how much time has passed or people he has dated, his crush on the other boy has always flickered in the back of his mind. He had initially assumed that he would get over him rather quickly as their relationship didn't really last a long time, but he still catches himself doodling  _L.T. ♥ H.S._ on random pieces of paper. And so, because of this stupid crush, he has formed a tiny bubble of hope that maybe Harry might still have feelings for him as well and that they'll end up dating again.

He shouldn't be thinking about these things. As far as he's aware, Harry is single, but that doesn't mean that he'll go for Louis. Even though they still get along, five years  _is_ a long time. When they had dated before, they were both still teenagers and were fumbling to understand what they each wanted out of a relationship. Louis is more experienced now and—from what he has seen from Harry's social media accounts—he assumes his ex is too. So just because Harry had been attracted to him back then doesn't mean anything now. It was unsurprising that they ended up together in the first place; they were best friends and they wasn't any other boys who were out in their small town. In a situation like that, it was natural that they'd gravitate to each other. Things are different now.

He takes a deep breath. Harry's plane already landed fifteen minutes ago and he could be coming through those doors any moment now, so it really isn't the best time to be agonizing over this. If Louis focuses on this problem too much there's a chance that he'll make things awkward for his friend and that is something he definitely does not want to do, especially considering he has no idea how long they're going to be temporarily living together. And hey, maybe this could work out for him.

A wave of people start walking through the door. Louis cranes his neck to see them all, trying to figure out if they look American or not. He's about to give up and decide that these people came from a different plane when a familiar figure approaches. There are many surprising things that Louis notices about Harry, but probably the most shocking is that he has an old lady attached to his arm. Louis tries to look back at all their conversations just in case he missed Harry mentioning that he was bringing his nan along. And then two people approach them, a man and a woman, and they start chatting with Harry and the old lady. After a few minutes the three of them walk away from Harry after saying their goodbyes. Harry waves at them, and then heads over to the baggage claim to presumably grab his belongings.

Louis realizes that he should probably stop acting like a creepy stalker and actually greet his friend. He makes his away to the long conveyor belt and stops when he reaches Harry, who is studying all the pieces of luggage that pass by on the mechanism. Louis watches as Harry reaches out to grab two suitcases that are decorated with bananas of all things, and the sight of them gets a laugh out of him. Harry suddenly turns around at the sound, and his eyes light up when they fall on Louis.

"Welcome back," Louis says sheepishly, waving his fingers at the other boy. 

"Long time no see," Harry replies before he engulfs Louis in a big hug. Louis returns it, practically melting into the contact.

When they break apart, Louis reaches over to grab the larger of the suitcases. It's extremely heavy, but he tries not to outwardly show that he is struggling. "Who was your friend?"

It takes Harry a second to understand what he's talking about. "Oh, you mean Sylvia? Lovely lady. Apparently there was some sort of mistake and her walker got lost. She refused to use the wheelchair the staff offered her though, so I just helped her walk. Good thing our gate was close to the exit or we probably would still be walking."

Louis tries not to smile at the explanation. Harry has always been a retirement home's dream; helping the elderly across the street, letting them go ahead of him in line at the supermarket, and things like that. It pleases Louis that living in a city like Los Angeles hasn't changed Harry's kindness. 

It has changed other aspects of him though. Harry is taller than Louis now, which Louis had assumed going by the pictures he has seen of him, but witnessing the slight height difference in person is kind of aggravating. His hair that once wrapped around his head like a soft cocoon of curls now reaches past his shoulders. There are tattoos sprinkled across his arms, and it's so strange to think about the fact that the last time he saw Harry, there wasn't a trace of ink on his skin. Louis wonders what else has changed and what has stood against the relentless pressure of time, and if what he finds out will be good or not.

He is, admittedly, being a bit overdramatic about all of this. But fuck it. 

They leave the building together, a suitcase in each hand with Harry also shouldering his carry-on luggage. They skillfully avoid getting run over by taxi drivers to reach where Louis has parked his old pickup truck. He has been saving up to get a newer vehicle whose radio doesn't break every other month, but he is pretty fond of the piece of junk. He actually got it right after Harry left the country, now that he thinks about it. If the guy had stuck around for another two weeks then this wouldn't have been the first time he's been in it. It's a bit of a sobering realization, so Louis the thought aside to focus on other, less nostalgic things. Like making fun of the banana bags.

"Is this all the rage in LA?" Louis smirks, tapping his knuckles against the carry-on. "If I look on TMZ will I see Taylor Swift with a matching one?"

"Oh my God," Harry huffs, clearly trying not to laugh. "Shut up. I thought they were cute."

"At least no one will accidentally mistake them for theirs," Louis admits, feeling quite proud of himself for making Harry laugh this early in their reunion. He was clearly worrying for nothing, everything is going to be fine.

Harry nods. "Exactly! See, you're just jealous that you aren't as prepared as I am, Lou."

Lou. Harry hasn't called him that in years, he probably stopped after the first year of their separation. It sends an odd shiver through Louis, one that is slightly concerning but Louis ignores that to continue teasing his friend. "Bullshit. You just said you bought it because it's cute. You probably didn't even think about the not looking like everyone else's luggage thing until I just brought it up."

Harry sticks his tongue out at him. Yes, everything is alright.

* * *

Louis lives in a flat with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and an impressively large kitchen. It used to be his and Niall's flat, until Niall got engaged and moved out to live with his fiancé **.** Their lease is almost up anyway, and Niall volunteered to continue paying for his half of the rent until Louis can move into a smaller flat just because he feels bad for moving out so suddenly. So, really, Harry chose a great time to decide to move back to England. In fact, Louis almost wants to offer that Harry just forgets about searching for a new place to live and just permanently live with him here. He doesn't though as their past shared history might make things complicated, but also because the rent is actually kind of pricey. The only reason Louis was able to afford to live here is because Niall has some sort of high paying job that Louis never really bothered to learn the gist of and he paid for more than half of the rent. In return, Louis did all of the housework. And even though he hates cleaning with a passion, the idea of living in a nice place like this greatly overshadowed it.

Louis leads Harry into Niall's old room. The Irishman didn't take any of his furniture with him, as he was moving into an already lived in place, so thankfully Harry doesn't have to sleep on the floor or anything. It's a little weird watching Harry settle in a place that Louis has associated with another person. It's sort of like trying on old clothes that you used to love without knowing if they still fit or not. Louis scoffs at his own ridiculous comparison; he would never be caught dead in what he used to wear five years ago.

Once Harry has put all his stuff away, Louis gives him a quick tour of the flat. Even though it's quite spacious, it doesn't really have much in it anymore after Niall moved out. When Louis still had his roomie, everything felt so crowded with both of their stuff lying around everywhere. When it's just Louis', though, he has to wonder how this place ever felt full. That's not to say Louis doesn't own a lot of things—he's a fucking hoarder, honestly. There is just a stark difference between what a place looks like when you live alone versus if you live with other people, even if Louis can't really put his finger on  _why_ it doesn't feel the same.

Harry is most fascinated by the kitchen, and he spends a little too much time opening each drawer and digging through the contents of the fridge. He even starts rambling about how he used to be a baker and Louis has to cut that story short because, holy shit, he knows. He was  _there._ He almost forgot how weird Harry's speech pattern is, how he takes every possible twist and turn to tell what should be a pretty straight forward story. And even though it should be incredibly annoying, Louis only finds it endearing. God, he wishes that this crush would just go away. He is an adult and he has no time to be smitten over how it takes three minutes for Harry to describe his favorite type of cake.

"Your apartment is so much better than mine," Harry says after finally detaching himself from Louis' silverware. "I would kill to have a kitchen this big."

"First of all, never say 'apartment' in front of me ever again," Louis huffs. "The Americans have ruined you. Second, this place is only mine for the next three months. The lease is up then and I'm finding somewhere cheaper."

"That's too bad," he replies, walking out of the kitchen and settling down on the couch in the living room. "Mine is pretty nice? My friend's uncle is the owner of the building, so he cut me a pretty decent deal. I'm going to send him a Christmas present every day for the rest of my life, I'm so thankful he got me out of the dorms."

Louis quirks an eyebrow. "You're still using present tense."

"Oh. It might take a while to get used to not being there anymore."

Louis sits down next to him on the couch, making sure to keep enough space between them so it won't be weird. "What was it like? Did you meet any famous celebrities?"

That gets Harry to laugh. "Contrary to popular belief, you don't just run into a famous person every day. I did get a selfie with Lady Gaga once though. And I saw George Clooney grocery shopping. Oh, and—"

"You literally just said you don't run into famous people ever day," Louis gapes. "Liar! I bet you partied with Ed Sheeran and shit."

"I think you have a better chance of running into him than I do."

Any fears that Louis had of them not getting along in person are gone. Yeah, there still is a lot that they don't know about each other, but Louis is positive that even their new differences won't be too devastating. Unless it turns out that Harry is a serial killer and he ran back home to escape the authorities, how bad could it be?

"Uh. So why exactly did you decide to come back?"

Harry pauses, frowning slightly at the question. Which Louis finds a little suspicious, as it is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask given the situation, so maybe he should start walking around with some pepper spray just in case. But then Harry's smile is back, and all of those silly theories that Harry might have returned to him for less than positive reasons are gone.

"I haven't actually gone to uni after high school there," he admits. "Like, I went to one year of it, and then I decided to take a break? And that break ended up lasting years. So I decided that I wanted to go back, but I wanted to do it over here instead."

"Oh," Louis says. He had no idea that Harry hasn't finished school yet. He wonders if there are any major differences between universities in England versus the ones in America, but he assumes there must be something if Harry decided to go to another country just for it. "Have you applied yet?"

He shakes his head. "I want to get settled down first. Get my own apar— _flat,_ find a job, and then hopefully I'll be good to apply by the next semester."

It's a solid plan. A part of him wants to find out what Harry had gotten up to while he was out of school, but he isn't entirely sure if Harry will be completely honest or if he'll gloss over the details. If it were Louis, he'd definitely do the latter. It has nothing to do with not trusting the other guy, but not knowing exactly where they are in their relationship.

Before they dated, Harry and Louis were best friends. They told each other everything and were already attached to the hip well before they shared their first kiss. They definitely aren't best friends  _now_ though; if anyone holds that position for Louis, it's Niall, and the guy would probably be pissed if someone usurped that title from him. It's just strange not knowing exactly where he stands with Harry after never having to think about that sort of thing before. He never has dissected any of his friendships like this, even the ones that eventually turned romantic or sexual. 

It might be that his life has been painfully clear cut—he got into uni, he's looking for a more permanent job, he has a nice place. Even the surprises that has been thrown at him haven't been too wild in retrospect. He doesn't think his life is boring, per se. Louis is pretty content with how things have played out for him. Yeah, he has regrets, but so does all the other billions of people on the planet. He's just aware that he isn't living life of intrigue and adventure that he had pictured when he was younger, and he is oddly okay with that. But what has Harry done all this time? He has already met multiple celebrities, which means his life is more exciting than Louis' just from that angle. The closest Louis has gotten to someone famous is that one time when Nick Grimshaw got into the taxi that Louis had waved down for himself. Fucking asshole.

"I hope that posh life hasn't made you soft," Louis says. "Don't tell me you're vegan now or something."

"Like Beyoncé," Harry whispers.

Louis stands up. "Alright. Out of my house. I cannot have vegans under my roof."

The laugh that echoes out of Harry's mouth is some sort of combination of a hiccup and a hyena. Louis may be a little smug over that.

"I'm not a vegan," Harry manages to squeak out. "Not that there's anything wrong with veganism. I dated someone who—"

He never gets to finish the sentence because Louis pushes him off the couch cushion. The indignant noise that Harry makes when his bottom hits the carpeted floor only causes Louis to cackle. Harry doesn't get up right away though, which makes Louis worry that maybe he had been a little rough with the guy. 

"We need to go grocery shopping," Harry suddenly declares out of nowhere.

Louis frowns. "Uh, my fridge is already full?"

"Louis," Harry says sternly, standing up as he brushes the nonexistent dust off of his clothing. "If you continue to eat all of that junk you're going to be dead by forty."

"You really are a hippie," Louis mutters.

Despite his complaints, Louis still takes Harry to the nearest Sainsbury's. He teases Harry the entire way there, telling him that this isn't going to be like all the fancy stores he's gotten used to in America.

"It's been five years since I've been here, not fifty," Harry sighs, but he doesn't actually seem put off by any of it. "I forgot how you're so..."

"So what?"

Harry doesn't say anything right away, so Louis prods further. "Annoying? Attention seeking? Loud?"

"I guess loud," he agrees, although the face that Harry is making tells Louis that wasn't the word he was thinking of. "Not in a bad way or anything. I mean, I like it."

Louis has to reminds himself that  _it_ does not translate into  _you._ He doesn't respond and instead ventures into the cereal aisle to stock up on his only source of breakfast foods. Harry is right behind him and for every colorful box Louis grabs, he picks up some whole wheat hellhole. That continues on for the rest of the time they're in the store; whenever Louis wants something that's terrible, Harry counters with fiber or protein or  _whatever_. Louis starts to suspect that Harry is just doing this to fuck with him, but every time he calls him out on it Harry just starts spouting out nonsense about fat content. He is pretty sure that half of what Harry is saying is completely fake.

Louis begins to move to the cash registers when he notices that Harry is no longer following him. The other boy is staring intently at a speaker in the ceiling that's playing some sort that sounds vaguely familiar to Louis.

"Isn't this by that Liam guy?" Louis asks. "The one that got third place on the X-Factor a few years back?"

"He got second," Harry corrects. "Yeah. I met him, actually, like a week ago. Do you remember Zayn from the same season?"

"Who's Za—oh!" Louis snaps his fingers. "The one who just randomly dropped out of the competition? Yeah, why?"

"Apparently they're a couple," Harry says, a wide grin forming on his face. "They were on a date when I saw them. They looked happy."

"Weren't we going to audition that same year?" Louis asks as if he isn't fully aware that they almost did. Except then Harry's father was transferred, and Louis lost his desire to try. He sort of regrets not doing it, if only for the experience. Hell, maybe he could have a cute famous boyfriend right now if he did.

Harry just shrugs and catches up to him, taking the basket full of groceries out of Louis' hand. "I don't think I would have gotten very far in the competition anyway."

* * *

The thing is, Louis knows how to cook. Could he make some sort of master chef level concoction? Fuck no. But he understands the basics enough that he can be properly fed if he ever makes the effort to turn on the stove. One of his exes was a culinary student, and the moment he learned that Louis' knowledge of the kitchen extended to licking cookie batter, he basically forced Louis to learn how to work his way around a kitchen. It was a pain in the ass at the time and one of the reasons Louis broke up with him, but now Louis very much appreciates all the effort he put into this. It has definitely saved him on more than one occasion.

However, even though Louis has repeatedly informed Harry that he does know how to work a spatula, Harry has commandeered the kitchen. It's like he's under the impression that just because Louis does not have any usable ingredients stored away that he is useless when it comes to cooking. And that offends Louis, and he would put up a fight over it if it weren't for the fact that he loves to be pampered and the idea of someone else doing all the work for him is highly appealing. So Louis just lounges around while Harry fusses with their meals. It extends even to other chores. Harry insists on doing all of the cleaning as a way to make up for essentially squatting in Louis' flat. And Louis doesn't mind him being there; in fact, he loves getting to see Harry every day. But Harry refuses to be talked down, so he does everything from scrubbing the toilets to taking out the trash. It's sort of like having a live-in maid, except the maid is his ex who likes to vacuum in nothing but his pants.

Louis doesn't think he'll ever fully get used to Harry being around all the time. It's not like he just hangs out all day in the flat; Harry is actually out practically every day, probably searching for his own place or something. Every time Louis asks what he does, Harry tends to go on a long winded explanation of things that he's seen rather than what he has done while outside. Louis doesn't exactly mind it, but he would like to be more in the loop of what his friend is up to. If anything, if Harry hasn't found his own flat by the time Louis has to move out of this one, they might run into a problem. Louis doesn't mind Harry coming with him to his new building, but Louis definitely cannot afford more than a one bedroom. He'll feel bad if Harry is forced to sleep on a couch.

What really worries Louis though is how much he wants to get used to this. He had been sort of hoping that all this close contact would help him get over this crush. But it's still there, throbbing away inside of him, and Louis is beginning to fear that this is something that just won't go away on his own. What if he spends the rest of his life hung up on this guy? He could be ninety years old and still pining about someone he dated for like, what? Four months? Was it even that long? And he still can't tell what Harry feels about him. The problem may be the fact that Harry is a flirtatious person in general. Sometimes Louis thinks that the other boy is chatting him up, only for him to start treating their waiter in the same manner. It's frustrating and somewhat arousing, but mostly frustrating.

How is Louis supposed to survive this?

"Just tell him that you like him already," Niall tells him one day. The two of them are at their favorite pub while Harry is out doing God knows what. "Problem solved."

"I can't do that," Louis whines. "What if he doesn't like me back? It'll just make things weird."

"Isn't it already weird?" he retorts, nibbling on a chip. "At least you'll finally know if you have a chance or not."

Louis shakes his head. "What would I say? 'Hey, I've been sort of obsessing over you since we were teens? I've sabotaged every relationship I have had because it wasn't with you? I was hoping that seeing your face again would make me get over you but it's only making things worse?' That sounds so creepy."

Niall shrugs. "I never said it wasn't creepy. Just that you can't be moping forever about it, especially if he really is moving here."

"You are not very good at making me feel better," Louis complains to his friend. "You're making me feel worse, actually, so thanks for nothing."

"It's not my bloody fault that you can't handle being in love with someone!"

Louis gapes at Niall. Love? He is not in love with Harry, he just has a very intensive crush that has spanned years without them being in any real contact with each other during the majority of that time. That isn't love, that's—that's weird.

"I'm weird," Louis cries in despair. His friend nods in understanding.

* * *

Louis did not mean to get high. As he is unaware of what Harry's stance on drugs is, Louis has sworn to himself that he will not smoke at his flat so he doesn't offend the guy. He has been pretty good at sticking to this until his dealer knocked on his door earlier that morning. His dealer, more commonly known as Sean, lives in the same apartment complex as him. He often locks himself out of his room and it has gotten to the point where he has given Louis a spare key to his place so he has a backup plan. It is an unorthodox relationship to have with your drug supplier, but Louis is okay with that because he knows he always gets the good stuff. It's just that this time when Sean comes around for the spare key, he also has new merchandise. And it has been  _weeks_ since Louis has gotten high, so who is he to say no? Harry is checking out a yoga place or something, so Louis has plenty of time to kick back and relax before he gets back.

And that is how Harry finds Louis stoned out of his mind on his couch.

When the door opens, Louis' first thought is that he is getting robbed, but he cannot bring himself to care enough to bother to defend himself. Luckily, it is not a burglar and is just Harry. The other boy freezes as soon as he's in the living room. "What's that sme—is that pot?"

Louis giggles. "No."

Harry quickly makes his way over to him and crouches down in front of Louis. "You're high as fuck."

"No," Louis repeats, trying his best to look serious.

"I can see you holding a joint, Lou."

"What joint?" Louis replies, waving the hand that is gripping onto said joint in the air. "Are you hallucinating? Maybe  _you're_ high."

Harry groans, and for a few seconds his forehead is resting against Louis' knee. "I didn't even know you smoked."

"Want some?" Louis asks. "It's organic."

"Oh my God," Harry laughs. "You're ridiculous."

Louis ignores that and leans in towards Harry. "Open your mouth."

There's a tense moment where Harry just stares at Louis with his mouth hanging open in shock. While that is not exactly the way Louis wanted it to happen, Harry technically did oblige to his command. Louis takes a hit of the joint and, before Harry can regain his senses, he exhales the smoke out into Harry's open mouth. It isn't a kiss; their kips don't connect or even brush a little against each other. Yet it's still the most intimate they have been in years. Even with his mind hazy, Louis knows that this is a big deal.

Harry coughs, which is unsurprising given that Louis did not give him any real warning.

"See?" Louis smiles brightly at him. "Organic."

The next morning is awkward.

When Louis drags himself out of his room, Harry is already making a ruckus in the kitchen. He pauses when he sees Louis approaching, but he quickly recovers and goes back to doing whatever it is that hippies do in kitchens.

"Morning," Louis grunts while opening the fridge.

"We need to talk," Harry blurts out. "About last night."

Damn. He did not hesitate there. Louis sighs, grabs the milk, and closes the refrigerator door. "What about last night?"

"You basically kissed me?" Harry says, sounding a little on the edge of frustration.

Louis rolls his eyes. "Shotgunning is not kissing. I do it with my friends all the time."

That is only half true. While Louis has done things like that with his friends, they were usually also the types of friends who fuck. Or they were Niall. Harry does not need to know that though.

"So that's normal for you?" Harry asks.

"Uh. Yeah," Louis pours his Fruit Loops into a bowl. "I won't try it with you again. Sorry, that was really forward of me."

"No, you just... took me by surprise," he replies. If anything, Harry looks even more upset now than he did a moment ago. But then he's smiling, and Louis has to wonder if he imagined that. "You always take me by surprise."

Louis hopes that's a good thing.

* * *

 Harry visits Louis at work one afternoon.

He works front desk at a a retirement home, so it actually surprises him that it took Harry this long to decide to snoop considering his weird obsession with old people. It's on a Sunday so it's completely dead, and the same lady has been asking Louis if there was a bus going anywhere for the last three hours. Every time he has told her that no, on Sundays they only take people to church, she nods her head in solemn understanding and then just comes back fifteen minutes later. Louis likes this job, he really does, but there are times where he fears that he will be on the news one day for throttling the elderly.

When he sees Harry walk through the automatic doors, all his annoyances dissipate immediately. He's wearing one of his ugly patterned button up shirts that Louis assumes is very stylish but, like... they're ugly. Harry still looks amazing in them though. When the other boy approaches the desk, he gives the lobby a quick look around before turning his attention back to Louis. The expression on his face is oddly serious.

"Hello sir," Harry says in a mock businessman voice. "What are your rates? I want a one bedroom please."

Louis snorts. "Love, even though you act like you're in your eighties, you still have a long way to go before you can move in here."

Harry's cheeks go pink, and Louis thinks it might be because of the term of endearment. He uses that with everyone though, but he probably hasn't said it to Harry yet. Probably because he has been making an effort not to, but it just slipped out of his mouth. He doesn't freak out about it, though, and just moves on. "I thought you were job searching today?"

"I am," he replies, now flipping through the activity book that sits on the desk. "The last place I went to was nearby, so I decided to see how you are. Have you eaten lunch?"

"I haven't had my break yet," Louis says, and when Harry starts to smile he hastily adds on. "I can't just go on breaks whenever I want to. I'm not allowed to leave the desk area until someone else is able to cover for me."

Harry's smile transforms into a pout. "I wanted to take you to a bakery I found."

Louis thinks he knows the one that Harry is talking about. It's kind of refreshing seeing Harry merge back into this world again. Back in California he probably had a favorite bakery he always stopped by while telling that stupid story about how he used to be a baker. He also already had a job, where he had coworkers, and he might have loved it or hated it but it was his. He had daily routines and places that he enjoyed visiting more than others. But now he can have all those things here, and Louis can be apart of it. Louis can visit his new favorite bakery and meet his coworkers and just be another aspect of Harry's life that he wasn't able to be before. It's just so exciting.

Then again, what if they grow apart? The only reason they are in constant contact right now is because Harry is temporarily living with him. And  _that's_ just because Louis is the only person that Harry knows who lives in London; all of their old friends either live in more rural areas or they fell out of contact with them. So there is still a high chance of Harry dropping out of his life when he moves out of the flat. And while Louis wants to say that will never happen, the fact of the matter is that it already has. Sure, living across the city from someone is a lot different from living on the other side of the ocean, but Louis has stopped talking to a lot of people who just lived a few blocks away from him. Why couldn't the same thing happen with Harry?

Would it be better if it did? So far Harry hasn't really given him any real signs that he likes him back. At first Louis thought his reaction to the weed incident might mean something, but it's impossible to tell. He could have reacted the way any ex-boyfriend would in that situation. And there hasn't really been anything else to imply it. Louis hasn't caught him staring at Louis wistfully and he hasn't actually pried about his life. In turn, Louis hasn't asked Harry about his either. Despite having lived together for a little over two weeks now, Louis still barely knows anything that Harry has gotten into when he was in California. Like, he knows the basics. He knows what clubs Harry participated in during high school and what his hobbies are, but anything deeper than that is still a mystery. Louis told himself that it might be rude to bring that sort of thing up when they haven't been together for that long, although now he wonders if Harry doesn't want him to know.

Or he's probably just overthinking all of this.

"Why don't I go to the bakery and grab something for you then?" Harry asks, breaking Louis out of his train of thought.

"You really don't have to. But if you must, I would like a scone and a jelly donut. Also bring me some tea, the kind they have here is shit."

Harry grins at him, his dimple poking out in all of its glory. "What if the tea they have at the bakery is shit?"

"Then it's not much of a bakery, is it?" Louis quips right as the phone rings. He picks it up and starts dealing with a resident who can't get his television to work. It's an impossibly long phone call, so Harry gestures that he's going to go out to buy the stuff and he leaves. 

As soon as he hangs up, one of Louis' coworkers, a girl named Eleanor, comes up to the desk. "Was that your boyfriend?"

Louis scoffs. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"Yes," she says with no shame. "Well, was he? He's fit."

"He's not my boyfriend," Louis says with a sigh. "But I hope he will be.

* * *

It's two AM on a Thursday when Louis accepts that he is in love with Harry. 

* * *

Every year since they've lived together, Louis and Niall have hosted a party in their flat. They decided to continue with that tradition even though they no longer are flatmates, because why mess with something that works? At first Louis is worried that Harry might feel left out if he's surrounded by people he doesn't know, but that fear is pushed to the side almost immediately. Harry is sort of like a solar system. He's the big, burning sun and everyone else are the satellites and planets that circle around him. Louis is probably Mercury in that comparison—the planet that's the closest to him, yet he can never break his orbit or else he'll get burned. 

The morning of the party, Louis wakes up later than usual. Like, he normally wakes up pretty late in normal people's standards, but Harry is a morning person so he has a tendency of getting Louis up whether he wants to be or not. When Louis doesn't wake to the smell of bacon sizzling or to the sound of Harry listening to some radio talk show, Louis knows something is up. He tip toes out of bed and steps into the hallway. He hears Harry's voice before he sees him, but the words that he's saying makes Louis stop walking.

"At this rate I'll probably be coming back in another month," he says to the phone. "No, I don't think he—I mean, I thought that maybe? But it was probably just me projecting. I can't stay here."

Whoever he's speaking to must be talking now as he doesn't say anything other than "uh huh" or "yeah." That goes on for a little longer until Harry finally says, "It's nice here. I like London, but it's about time I go home, I think. I got to go, he should be waking up soon. We got a party we need to set up for. Yeah, yeah, love you too. Bye."

Louis returns to his bedroom. He isn't sure what he just heard. Harry is going back to America. Harry can't stay here. Harry wants to go home.  Who was he talking to? Did he ever plan to actually live here again? Why did he lie to Louis if he hadn't? He could have just said that he wanted to visit London; Louis would have still let him crash at his place for the duration of his stay. There was no reason to make up some story about wanting to go to school here if he was planning on going back home after two months. The rest of the day passes by in a blur. Niall comes over soon after that to help them set up. Harry smiles and laughs at all of Louis' jokes, and none of his actions imply that all of this is some lie. Louis wonders if he's acting suspiciously or not. Has Harry realized that Louis found out his secret? Or is he as oblivious as Louis once was?

Niall keeps giving him concerned looks as they hide everything that's breakable, but Louis ignores him. He does want to tell the blonde about this, but not yet. He fears that Niall might start strangling Harry or something and that is not the best way to start a party. So he'll probably wait until tomorrow before sobbing and throwing himself another party. A pity one.

If Harry notices that Louis is acting strangely, he certainly doesn't show it. In fact, if Louis hadn't overheard that phone call then he would never even suspect that Harry is hiding something like this. He's all smiles and so helpful, and he is just so lovely that Louis sort of wants to cry. How can he look as if he genuinely enjoys being here if he wants to leave so badly? How much of Harry's persona is just an act? He said that he likes London. So, what's the problem? No, Louis knows what the problem is. It's him. Harry likes London but he doesn't like Louis. The awkwardness of living with someone you broke up with must have gotten to Harry and he's ready to make his getaway. For a few seconds Louis theorized that this has all been some sort of sick plan, that Harry knew all this time what Louis felt about him and he wanted to be mean. Louis instantly threw that idea out; there might be a lot of things he doesn't know about Harry, but he knows that he is not intentionally cruel. 

About an hour into the party is when Louis truly begins to regret agreeing to this. Some twat has been hanging all over Harry since the moment he arrived. He's the friend of one of Niall's friends, so  _technically_ he wasn't invited, and Louis almost wants to use that as an excuse to kick him out. He is an adult though and he will not sink that low just because he's a little jealous that some stranger has his hands on Harry's waist. He isn't even that good looking. Also his clothes are ugly. And he probably smells bad.

Oh, and he's kissing Harry.

Louis isn't sure what makes him do it. He's angry at Harry, and yet before he can even stop and reevaluate what he is about to do, Louis is right next to the two of them. Without giving the dumbass a glance, Louis grabs Harry's arm and drags the boy after him. Harry tries to get him to loosen his grip, but Louis just drags him along until they are both in his bedroom.

“What the hell is going on with you?" Harry furiously asks, turning around so he can face Louis. “That was really rude.”

Louis shuts the door behind him and locks it. He leans against the wooden frame and takes a deep breath in a futile attempt to calm himself down. His temper is like a firecracker—once lit, very little can stop it from exploding. He doesn’t want to yell at Harry though. Yeah, the guy might have broken his heart, but it’s not like Harry is even aware that Louis still harbors feelings for him from five years ago. He has every right to be snogging guys who he actually likes. And yet. And yet…

“Why didn’t you tell me you were planning on going back?” Louis says, staring at a stain in the carpet. “Do you know how stupid I feel, thinking that you have been searching for flats and were going to live here again? You could have just told me you weren’t doing any of that.”

Harry looks taken aback by the question, which is expected as it has absolutely nothing to do with the actual current situation. “How do you know abo—were you eavesdropping on my private conversations?”

Louis snorts. “Sweetie, maybe you shouldn’t have your private conversation in my fucking living room next time if you didn’t want me to overhear.”

“That’s,” Harry mumbles, but he never finishes the sentence. Instead he just gestures at a wall, the sound of music from the still ongoing party pounding through it. “What was all that about? That guy was a little drunk, but I was handling it. I was about to get his friend and then you just barged in like this? To talk about something that doesn’t concern him at all? Couldn’t we have had this talk another time?”

“No.”

“Oh my God,” Harry covers his face with his hands. “No? Lou, what does that even mean? No that we couldn’t talk about it at another time? No that you ruined it? Please just explain yourself, I want to know what’s going on.”

“I didn’t want you kissing him. I wanted you kissing _me_!”

A loud crash sounds through the flat, and it takes Louis too long to realize that it wasn’t his heart hitting the floor. Someone must have broken something out in the living room. His instincts tell him to rush out there to see what happened, especially considering he was under the impression they hid everything that is fragile, but he trusts Niall at least to get everything back in order. Then again, if he goes out there then he will be away from Harry and that sounds like an awfully good idea at that exact moment. Anything seems like a better idea than being with Harry.

“What are you talking about?” Harry whispers, his soft voice almost completely drowned out by the pulsing noise from outside. “You want to kiss me?”

Louis shakes his head hurriedly. “I didn’t say that.”

“Um,” Harry furrows his eyebrows together. “You just did.”

When Louis doesn’t say anything right away, Harry goes on. “Do you have feelings for me, Lou?”

He isn’t sure what makes him does it. If it’s the faux concerned tone that Harry has, or the fact that he said that nickname at a time like this. But Louis snaps, “You know, I thought I did. I thought I was, I don’t know, in love with you? Why else would I be so fixated on a relationship that happened years ago? I even went and talked to people about it, and the obvious answer was that I was head over heels for you.”

“But?”

“But I know that’s not true,” Louis continues. “I was in love with… with the memory of you. What we had back then was so simple and safe, and it was just easier to hold onto something uncomplicated instead of facing my actual future. Because true love is hard work and it isn’t always nice, but that’s the difference between a fairy tale and real life. And what I felt about you was a fairy tale. None of it was real.”

Harry doesn’t say anything. His eyes are so wide that Louis fears he could fall into them if he stares at Harry too long, so he diverts his attention back to the carpet stain. When Harry finally speaks, his voice is cracked and so completely fragile that Louis almost looks up at him. He doesn’t though.

“Okay,” Harry says. He sounds closer now. “I understand.”

He’s suddenly right next to Louis, and for a split second Louis fears that the younger boy is about to kiss him. Instead, Harry reaches around Louis to grip the doorknob. Louis moves away from the door and grimly watches as Harry unlocks it and leaves the room without saying another word.

Louis stares at the space that Harry just occupied a few seconds ago, and surprisingly the room doesn’t feel empty with him gone. It feels full. Too full. It’s cramped and stuffy inside of these four walls and he just might suffocate if he stays inside of here any longer. Louis yanks the door open, not caring how harshly it slams into the wall behind it. He runs out and instantly collides into a body. Without bothering to say he’s sorry, Louis goes around them and delves deeper into the mass of people that are actually having a good time right now.

He spots Niall near the kitchen, laughing about something as he carries a garbage bag full of whatever probably fell over and broke. A part of Louis is curious as to what the hell got smashed since it’s his stuff, but he can figure that out some other time. There are more important things to focus on right now.

Harry isn’t that far down the sidewalk when Louis catches up to him. Neither of them have thought to bring jackets for the cold, but every inch of Louis feels like it’s burning so he doesn’t think he needs one anyway. He quickly jogs the last few paces that are separating them, and he taps Harry on the back to get his attention.

When Harry turns around to face Louis, he doesn’t look particularly surprised or angry at the other boy. The look on his face is one of expectancy, as if he has been waiting for Louis to run after him. As if he knows that Louis will always run after him.

“Hey,” he says softly, somehow managing to stuff his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Had a good night?”

“Shut up,” Louis groans. “Harry. Harry, please be honest with me. What’s going on here? What does all of this mean?”

Harry bites his lower lip, taking care not to look directly at Louis’ face. “Louis, I—I like you. A lot. I’ve always liked you.”

Somehow, that doesn’t come as a shock to Louis. Instead of freaking out over the fact that Harry basically just confessed to him, Louis simply nods his head. “So what is this all about? Why are you going back to California then?”

“This was sort of a test,” Harry admits. “I’ve always been so hung up over you to the point that it’s been ruining every other potential relationship I’ve had. Like… I was dating this one bloke for over a year. The vegan. He was amazing, yeah? Beautiful, smart, and he loved me.”

It’s like a boa constrictor has wrapped itself around Louis’ throat, but he just nods again. “What happened?”

“You did,” he replies. “No matter what I felt for Danny, you were always at the back of my mind. It got so bad that I broke up with him because it felt like I was cheating on him—”

“You weren’t though,” Louis hastily says. “You’re not a cheater.”

He shrugs. “Maybe not physically, but emotionally? I wasn’t all there for him. It’s basically the reason why I all but stopped talking to you altogether over the last few years. I thought that if you weren’t actively in my life anymore, I’d get over whatever this is. Except it didn’t work at all.”

“No,” Louis says. “I did the same thing. Some plan that was.”

That gets a weak laugh out of Harry. “Terrible plan. Anyway, after everything with Danny went bad, I decided that the only way to get over this would be to actually see you again. So I came back here. I was hoping that being around you would like… I don’t know, make me get over you?”

“Gee, thanks."

“Not like that!” Harry adds. “You’re great! Amazing! I just thought that maybe the reason I felt so strongly for you over the years was because of some weird, I don’t know, a ‘what if’ scenario? Like, what if I never moved away, what would have happened between the two of us? So maybe being around you in person again would sort of fulfill that and I could move on with my life.”

Out of everything that Harry has said, that probably stings the most even though he technically had more or less of the same idea. Sort of.

“So, you never thought of having a relationship with me at all? Your plan this whole time was to go back to California the moment you figured out that you no longer liked me?”

“That was part of it,” he says, taking his hands out of his pocket. “If I found out that there was nothing between us, I was going to go back. But if there was a chance for us, if you actually still liked me, then…”

He leaves the rest of the sentence up in the air, his eyes now piercing Louis’ with such an intensity that the older boy feels exposed. This is it. This is one of those moments that will completely change someone’s life depending on how it plays out. Louis knows that no matter how many years he lives after this, that he will always look back at this defining scene and either regret what happened here or be grateful.

“I like you,” Louis takes a step closer to him. “So much. I honestly don’t know how things would have played out if you stayed here. Like, maybe we would have dated and then broke up and moved on with our lives, who the fuck knows. But I do know that… that now, Harry Styles, I love you.”

Harry giggles at the confession. “You’re embarrassing.”

“You’re a child,” Louis rolls his eyes. He hesitantly places a hand on Harry’s waist, and when he doesn’t reject the touch, Louis wraps both his arms around him. He brings Harry close to him so that their chests are touching, and their stomachs, and their legs, and their toes. He brings Harry close so that every piece of themselves are attached, from their bodies to their pasts.

“Don’t go back,” Louis says, practically pleads. “Please stay here with me.”

Harry looks thoughtful. "So, your feelings aren't some sort of fairy tale then? They're real?"

Those words must have really hurt Harry. Louis wants to take them back, but then again what he said was sort of true in a way. His feelings for Harry all these years have been sort of fantastical for the most part. Louis has romanticized it and compared it to every single other relationship he had, which was unfair to everyone he has dated. It was unfair to himself because he probably has missed out on a lot of amazing futures with other people because he couldn't let go of something that happened half a decade ago. At the same time though, Louis is so grateful he held onto that feeling. Yeah, he missed out on a lot of opportunities, but now he has this one. And it seems like the one that was worth waiting for.

"They're real."

“I’ll never go back,” Harry answers as soon as those words were out, and he brings their lips together for a kiss.

Louis remembers the last time they kissed five years prior. They were at the airport, and even though they had already broken up at that point, the two of them still kissed each other goodbye. It hadn’t even been a question and neither of them hesitated to do it. Harry was leaving so they had to kiss. And now, Harry is staying, so they have to kiss. And they can kiss all the times they want. Harry likes the idea. Kiss, kiss, kiss. He can kiss Harry for the most ridiculous of reasons. Harry found the missing spatula? Louis can kiss him. Harry made it home before it started raining? Louis can kiss him. Harry exists? Louis can kiss him. The possibilities are endless, really.

Harry pulls back for a second. “Wait, actually, I kind of do need to go back though. All of my stuff is still there and I need to take care of a few things before I can actually move back here.”

“You just ruined the moment,” Louis sighs, resting his forehead against Harry’s shoulder. “We were having a bloody Emmy award winning romantic comedy moment right then, and you went and butchered it.”

Harry grins. “After I go back to LA for a few weeks and get all my shit together, I will never leave you.”

He’s waited this long already, so what’s a few more weeks in comparison to a potential forever?


End file.
